The Lack of Words

"Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love."

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

The words I write in this blog will most likely not be eloquent enough, express enough or demonstrate enough the significance of the past two days. Harry Potter fans in the world feel a little empty inside, not because of the movie (which made me feel very, very satisfied) but that no more.  I quote Albus Dumbledore above for two reasons. The first is to show how beautiful a writer J.K. Rowling is and the way she uses her words are inspiring. The second reason because SPOILER ALERT both quotes were used in the movie, and said spot on and are probably in my like top 10 best Harry Potter quotes. I want to first apologize to my loyal readers (do these even exist? Well it's OK, no hard feelings), because I did the thing I said I would not do from the beginning... I missed a blog post. In my defense I would like to state that I was emotionally strained from the day coming. This is besides the point but this has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. Hmm, that sounds really depressing and extreme, maybe we'll just say this week was crazy. Although, it was not as crazy as the past 27 hours have been. (This is of course my movie blog for the day, and if you couldn't tell I'll be discussing Harry Potter).

To begin, I woke up Thursday with excitement, anticipation and anxiety. It had finally come, the day I was counting down from 365 was finally here. It is most likely the last movie I will ever have a countdown for, which is also depressing. Luckily, I had to work and luckily I had lots of stuff to work on. The day went surprisingly quick when I realized it was time for me to get home so I could make it to my Part 1 showing at a friends, I couldn't believe it. The pre-show extravaganza was quite low key, the way I like it, with three of my closest friends (shout out to Danny, Meera and Sarah - that was done alphabetically). We then arrived at the Randall 15 theater for our 3-D IMAX experience (we left around 9 pm). My mother would be joining us on our last adventure at a Harry Potter premiere and I must say thank you Leslie! If it were not for my mom, we would not have gotten the brilliant seats that we did. As we were walking to get in line, the IMAX line started to file in. I could not believe the number of people already in line. Luckily someone in my group (I will not state their name for legal reasons) was wise. We miraculously ran into my mother as the line was curving and somehow sneaked in (yes we cut people. I know horrible, but only for Harry Potter) and to be honest because we had a mom, no one yelled at us. It was epic. That led to us getting high enough seats for the IMAX screen to be wicked awesome.

The waiting began, although I will say it went incredibly fast. I suddenly realized the amount of time left before I would no longer see another Harry Potter movie. I began to regret the quickness of time. I wanted more, I didn't want it to play, I wanted to never see the movie because if I didn't, it wouldn't be over. But of course that would never happen cause I would go crazy, obviously (said like Snape in the 5th Harry Potter movie). I turned my phone off around 11:30ish because it was dying and I kept checking the time. All of the sudden my mom was saying three minutes until midnight. I then became antsy, I wanted the movie to begin, to see what director David Yates created to send off the three most brilliantly written characters. Finally the lights dimmed and it was silent. I began to think what was about to come. I thought I will never feel like this again, I could feel my pulse going out of control because I had reached the pinnacle point. The end. The finale. The epilogue. I sat with these thoughts arising thinking I was going to cry and then BOOM! the ginormous screen and monstrous speakers told us about the quality of theater we were in, which brought me back to reality. The previews then began to run and then the first scene.

That was it. I was consumed, wrapped up in the screen, in the story not having a chance to breathe. I don't think I have ever sweat that much in an air conditioned room without moving. My pits were drenched, my back was hot and sticky I was so lost in the epic story that I wasn't even aware of my surroundings. And then it was over. The credits rolled and I didn't move. If I moved it would mean it was really over. If I moved it would mean the story that I grew up with, the movies I obsessed over, the actors I was in love with would no longer come on the screen in a new tale. I finally moved when the people I were with were like "Yo let's go you weirdo."

I returned home and didn't even have time to soak it all in. I then woke up 3 hours later to go to work. During the day I received a text from my brother (who was not able to attend the midnight showing) to see if I would go with him. Duh. I would not miss a chance to see this movie that I thought I had lost. I could see it again. So when I got home from work and ate some food, we were off to see it (in 2-D). And again I was captivated, it was like a movie I hadn't seen before. I picked up on new things, noticed small details that were unbelievably perfect, I fell in love even more. I finally got home at 9 p.m. I would say that was the craziest 24 hours of my life, the best 24 hours of my life. And now the most depressing because I have finally been able to sit in my room, alone and think. Every scene running through my head, every feeling, thought, detail in the books and movies. The entire series. I know that I will never feel like I do right now (it was similar to finishing the seventh book but this time no more movies to look forward to).

I do realize there is Pottermore left. There is still the theme park to visit. I'm sure Rowling will tell us a new story in the future. But this thing that has always been part of my life is now gone. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I'm not going to leave you with any side notes today because it would feel like a dishonest to Harry but also I don't have much as my life has been consumed with Harry. But I will say I so wish I had the words of J.K. Rowling to describe this feeling I have right now because it is nothing I've ever felt. Of course there will always be the DVD's and seeing it in theaters again and again and again. There are just no words to describe the piece of my heart that is now missing.